I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
