I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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