I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
