Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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