What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
