my mouth tastes like poor choices
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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