please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
