dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize