U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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