I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
