If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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