I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
