you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
