pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
