Banned from zoo.
Again?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
