i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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