I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
