my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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