How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
