3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize