She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
