i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
