i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
