I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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