i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
