oh god the rape fog is back!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
