the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
