When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
