I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
