we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
