my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
