God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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