Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
