He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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