Plan B is the new Plan A
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
