Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
