addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
