i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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