Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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