I'm jealous of your bromance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
