obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize