Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
