Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
