Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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