So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
