he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
