It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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