why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
