I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
