Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
