omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
