Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
