Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
