I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
