There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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