hell yes lets make some ravioli
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Watching her eat just hurts me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
