Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
