I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He better not be in your backpack
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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