im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
