Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
