If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
