you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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