So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
