the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
