I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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