I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
